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How I plan to use 2008 to improve in 2009
2008 was a sub-par year for me. My jewelry business was not financially viable, I discovered I had a chronic pain condition, I realized that I will never advance at my 9-5 despite earning a degree, and a host of other, smaller disappointments peppered my life here and there. Don’t get me wrong, 2008 wasn’t all bad news: my mom was able to finally help me out with the bills, we were able to keep our home, and one of my kids even made the honor roll (a big deal, trust me). There seemed to be more bad than good going on, however, and I understand that it was my outlook on life that caused all of this disappointment; as such, I know that I need to change my outlook for things to improve.
I’m already a neurotic person, so these events caused such a huge emotional change I never thought possible for me. Before the stress of being a familial provider, designer, and scholar, I pretty much accepted everyone for who they were, reserved judgment of others for extreme cases, and minded my own business – I generally kept my opinions to myself. With the onset of my stressors, however, I’d found myself to become a somewhat bitter person. My consideration of ideas became narrow, I began to not understand how people could be happy discussing the benign more often than issues of import, and I came to hate displays of what I considered to be willful ignorance. I keep to a handful of friends who I know have common sense, and I don’t go out to expand my network, for fear of disappointment. I hardly give men the time of day, because I feel that they will not be able to stimulate me intellectually. I’ve become ok with being alone, because I do not feel lonely – I lack that need for a human connection and to me that is dangerous.
I understand that to survive, we need to depend on one another - not to the point of being willfully needy, for we should have a will and ability toward being self-sustaining. However, there are emotional needs that friendship, companionship, love, and respect bring that one simply cannot give oneself in full measure. These things need to be supplemented by others, so long as it is healthy; this I am coming to see, no matter how complete my sense of self-love is.
With that said, I plan to use my experiences in 2008 to improve my situation in 2009. I’ve dabbled in meditation here and there last year, and will make a serious effort at it this year. I believe this will give me the focus I have lost because of my hectic pace. I aim to use meditation as a tool to reduce the anxieties I have at work and in social settings, to learn to accept myself more, my abilities and limitations, and to stop holding valid any ill opinions people may have of me. It’s time for me to stop measuring my self-worth according to the standards of others, and to bring out in full the true me.
Once I have addressed my anxiety, I feel it will be easier for me to try to enjoy people again. I will learn to stop measuring the worth of others according to my standards. I can hang up my hang-ups and appreciate people for all that they are, the good and the bad, and enjoy human company outside my small circle of family and friends. Perhaps my luck will then change, and all of my endeavors will see success and growth. Please wish me luck.
I’m already a neurotic person, so these events caused such a huge emotional change I never thought possible for me. Before the stress of being a familial provider, designer, and scholar, I pretty much accepted everyone for who they were, reserved judgment of others for extreme cases, and minded my own business – I generally kept my opinions to myself. With the onset of my stressors, however, I’d found myself to become a somewhat bitter person. My consideration of ideas became narrow, I began to not understand how people could be happy discussing the benign more often than issues of import, and I came to hate displays of what I considered to be willful ignorance. I keep to a handful of friends who I know have common sense, and I don’t go out to expand my network, for fear of disappointment. I hardly give men the time of day, because I feel that they will not be able to stimulate me intellectually. I’ve become ok with being alone, because I do not feel lonely – I lack that need for a human connection and to me that is dangerous.
I understand that to survive, we need to depend on one another - not to the point of being willfully needy, for we should have a will and ability toward being self-sustaining. However, there are emotional needs that friendship, companionship, love, and respect bring that one simply cannot give oneself in full measure. These things need to be supplemented by others, so long as it is healthy; this I am coming to see, no matter how complete my sense of self-love is.
With that said, I plan to use my experiences in 2008 to improve my situation in 2009. I’ve dabbled in meditation here and there last year, and will make a serious effort at it this year. I believe this will give me the focus I have lost because of my hectic pace. I aim to use meditation as a tool to reduce the anxieties I have at work and in social settings, to learn to accept myself more, my abilities and limitations, and to stop holding valid any ill opinions people may have of me. It’s time for me to stop measuring my self-worth according to the standards of others, and to bring out in full the true me.
Once I have addressed my anxiety, I feel it will be easier for me to try to enjoy people again. I will learn to stop measuring the worth of others according to my standards. I can hang up my hang-ups and appreciate people for all that they are, the good and the bad, and enjoy human company outside my small circle of family and friends. Perhaps my luck will then change, and all of my endeavors will see success and growth. Please wish me luck.
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© 2009 Created by Kenyatta Wilson on Ning. Create a Ning Network!
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